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All The People Gave Me The Power To Banish You From This Restaurant
Do you ever eavesdrop on other people’s conversations at restaurants? Me neither. That is totally rude y’all. Except when the person sitting next to you is getting visibly upset with the waiter because...
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In Your Face Steven Spielberg!
Over the weekend, I faced one of my biggest fears. Because I’m a badass like that. Although, I’m not sure how many badasses have panic blankets but let’s not suffer the details right now. I watched...
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This Is Why I Can’t Have Nice Things
I’m not going to lie to y’all, I like some of the finer things in life. Like massages and mini wine bottles. Because I’m fancy like that. Except I may have ruined massages forever. (Note: If you ever...
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Beauty Tips. Yeah, I Have Beauty Tips. Why Are You So Surprised? That’s Rude.
Believe it or not, I actually do put some effort into looking my best. Sure, it might not be as much effort as I put into avoiding aliens, preparing for the apocalypse, or taking advantage of jazz hand...
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When The Wind Blows Everything Is A Weapon!
Yesterday, it was exceptionally windy in Austin. Like, blow you over when you’re walking into your office building kind of windy. Power went out. Trees were uprooted and blown onto the metrorail...
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Beck Just Needs A Grammy
Every time I hear this song, I remember one summer when I had spent some time with the Grandparents and they were driving me home and my Grammy let me choose the radio station. Beck’s “Loser” came...
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C’mon. Everyone Has To Think This Is A Bad Idea.
Have you heard about the uber-rich-fellow-of-riches (His official title..in my head) who is building a Titanic II??? BUILDING. ANOTHER. TITANIC. Just let that sink in. Haha get it? *Sink* in. I didn’t...
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Captain Thoughtful Is A Genius
So, I was sick all last week. No one seemed to notice, which is worrisome because what if I had been kidnapped y’all? What if I was slowly bleeding out from accidentally rupturing something inside my...
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And That’s How I Came Up With My Roller Derby Name
The other day I was thinking about names (because I saw that Veronica Mars Kristen Bell had a baby and named it Lincoln, which I love) and how Captain Thoughtful’s Mom’s middle name is Jane. And then I...
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This Is How GotC Does A Bad Day.
Yesterday was a bad day. First, I had weird pseudo-nightmares about tornadoes. Then, I woke up late. Then traffic was really bad and I was late to work. Then work sucked the life-force out of me in a...
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I Already Have My Nobel Peace Prize Speech Written.
Last Saturday, I found the cure for baby fever. Wait for it. Wait for it. The cure for baby fever is going to Ikea on a Saturday. No matter how much you want children when you walk in, you will walk...
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Things I Learned From Moving
Captain Thoughtful and I moved last weekend. I learned some things. 1. Grammy thinks Captain Thoughtful and I have too much Tabasco. She’s incorrect. There is no such thing as too much Tabasco. 2. I...
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Things I’m *Supposed* To Worry About. Spoiler- I Don’t.
If you’re a gal in her late twenties (as I am) then you have a pretty heavy list of thing you’re supposed to worry about. 1. Your fertility is going-going-almost gone! Make the babies! Make the babies!...
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I’m D-List Celebrity Adjacent.
Last Thursday, I stopped by one of my favorite Austin eateries, Snap Kitchen, for a quick (and healthy!) bite of lunch. I picked up a salad (spinach and goat cheese, if you’re nosy) and paid the clerk...
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Hey Universe, Thanks.
Not every day can be a great day and yesterday was a non-great day for me. But then, on my way home from work, I saw a man in a kilt paying a parking meter in downtown Austin and I thought, “You know,...
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This Post Doesn’t Have A Title- Feel Free To Write Your Own In The Comments!
Last week, Captain Thoughtful was out of town and I missed him very much. And also, I realized how differently I hear things when he’s home with me. When he’s home, a loud noise in the night causes me...
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Basically, I’m A Mess.
I’ve been so uninspired lately y’all. It’s like every ounce of funny in my body is being sucked out by the vampire known as “full-time job”. And yesterday, while I was in the midst of a major...
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Don’t Bring Up Koala Chlamydia At The Zoo.
I learned a lesson at the Cleveland Zoo, which was that if you bring up that fact that koalas have high rates of chlamydia while you’re at the zoo looking at some adorable koalas, people will accuse...
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I’m Using Alcohol Math To Cure My Fear Of Flying.
I’m back from Ohio and it was a blast! If you think Ohio can’t be fun, then you’ve clearly never been to Grandpa’s Cheese Barn. Also, Fatheads Brewery in Cleveland had the best hefe-weizen I’ve ever...
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Here Is A Thought On A Friday.
You know that thing in movies when someone appears to be dead and someone else is all “NO! Don’t leave me!” and then hugs their body and cries, and then the apparently dead person starts breathing and...
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